As the summer days wind down and the back-to-school season begins, a whirlwind of mixed emotions can be stirred up for kids and adults.  The transition from a more relaxed summer routine to the structure of school can be challenging for anyone, but especially for those who thrive on consistency and clear expectations. While some kids may eagerly anticipate the return to routine, others might feel anxious about new schedules, unknown teachers, and even academic pressures. Whether you’re gearing up for kindergarten or returning for fifth grade, there are a few things that adults can focus on to help make the back-to-school experience more peaceful for kids and grownups.

• Connection
• Activities that lower anxiety
• Accept and name emotions

Connection

Connection is at the heart of a successful back-to-school transition. Feeling supported and understood can ease anxiety and set a positive tone for the school year. Encourage honest conversations about the upcoming school year with open-ended questions: “What are you most excited about?” and “What are you worried about?” Listen actively without jumping to solutions. If you aren’t sure how to respond during the conversation, remember that coregulation is NEVER the wrong answer.  Warm, welcoming, nurturing interactions should not be a reward. They should be the rule.

For some kids, questions can feel overwhelming, so I often wonder out loud instead of asking questions.  Saying something like, “Some kids feel excited about school and some kids feel nervous” can allow a child to ponder the topic without feeling pressure to answer “the right way”.

Offer your own back-to-school experiences, both the good and the challenging.  Sharing stories from your childhood school days can help kids feel less alone and more understood. It’s a great way to bridge generational gaps and build empathy. You can build the discussion into mealtimes or car rides and share stories about what you enjoyed about school and what was hard for you.  Kids feel connected and will more easily share their feelings if they know it’s okay to struggle a bit.  These discussions can also give you a window into areas where you can focus support throughout the school year.

Establishing consistent routines or rituals can deeply strengthen the sense of connection between kids and their grownups. Whether it’s a special breakfast before the first day or a nightly check-in about the highs and lows of the day, these small acts of togetherness can make the transition feel more manageable.  If you can add in some music or movement, you get bonus points for nervous system regulation too!

Try using declarative language techniques.  Declarative language involves making small changes in the way we communicate with others.  Some kids (and adults) get overwhelmed when they are told to do something or are asked lots of questions.  The pressure to answer or behave correctly feels high, so they may shut down emotionally or escalate behaviorally.  Declarative language notices what works for an individual’s nervous system and uses thinking out loud statements like, “You can walk to the car,” or “I can tie your shoes,” or problem solves out loud like, “I forgot my lunch yesterday so today I’m going to put it next to the door”.

Wonder statements work here as well. “I wonder what would happen if we walked outside in the rain without shoes,” or “I wonder which of us can get to the car first.”   Phrasing things in this way helps reduce a child’s need to dig their heels in and provides them with gentle guidance toward the task at hand.

Describing your own feelings about a stressful situation can help put a name to a feeling and normalize the experience for kids.  I will often say things like, “When I go to new places, I get nervous.  Lots of the people I know feel anxious sometimes.  For some people, it can feel like butterflies in your tummy or like your heart is beating fast.”  By not directly asking the child if they feel anxious, I am leaving the door open for a shared experience without making them feel like they are being accused of feeling something.  The Declarative Language Handbook by Linda K. Murphy is a helpful guide to understanding more about why these little tweaks to our communication can be so powerful.

Activities That Lower Anxiety

A little back-to-school preparation goes a long way. Help your child get organized with supplies and a clear understanding of their schedule. A visit to the school or a meet-and-greet with the new teacher or office staff can help ease first-day jitters.

Practice opening food packaging. Food products such as string cheese, yogurt, individual snack packages, and milk cartons can be challenging. Schools usually have staff available to help but some kids feel worried about having enough time to eat at lunchtime.  Make it fun and go on a picnic with their lunch fully packed just like it will be for school.

Re-establish a school-year routine before school starts. Gradually shift bedtimes and wake-up times to align with the school schedule and introduce some of the school day’s structure into your current summer routine.  Teach your kids a few simple relaxation techniques like deep breathing or mindfulness exercises. These tools can be handy during stressful moments and help manage anxiety effectively but need to be practiced routinely to be accessible.

Use social stories to help kids understand and navigate new or challenging situations. These short, personalized narratives describe social situations, possible expectations and feelings, possible challenges, and problem-solving in a clear and relatable way. They can be particularly useful for students who may need extra support in adjusting to new environments or routines.

Often, I’ll ask kids “What is the easiest thing about school and what is the hardest?”  After celebrating the easy and commiserating the hard, we work together to create a social story about the hard part.

To create a social story for your child, start by identifying the specific situation or behavior that may be causing concern. If your kiddo is anxious about lunchtime, a social story might outline what lunchtime will look like, who will be present, and the steps involved in getting their lunch.  Maybe help them imagine the best-case scenario and how they’d handle that, and then look at the worst-case scenario and options for how to handle it.  Discuss who can be a support or a comfort in that moment and space.  Keep the language simple and the tone positive.  Older kids can write it out and younger kids love to narrate while their grown up does the writing.  Drawings or photos can enhance the story and make it more interesting and personalized for kids. The goal is to present the information in a way that is easy to understand and provides reassurance and choices.  After it’s done, review the story often to help the child incorporate the ideas for later use.

For example:

Title:  Going to the Lunchroom for Lunch

Story:

When it is time for lunch, I will walk with my class to the cafeteria.  If I need more space in line or people feel too close, I can ask my teacher to let me be in the back.

I will stand in line and wait for my turn.  I might be able to have a fidget in my pocket to keep my hands busy while I wait.  I can sing a song in my head until I get to the front of the line.

I can choose what I want to eat from the options that are there.  If I don’t like anything, I can remind myself about the protein bar in my backpack and ask my teacher if I can get it.

I will sit with Abbie and Delia at the lunch table.  If there isn’t space, I can sit at the next table and play with my friends after I eat.

After lunch, I will throw away my trash and recycling, and go outside.  If it’s raining, I can wear my hood or play under the shelter. 

The bell will ring to let me know when to go back inside.

Social stories help demystify new experiences and can significantly reduce feelings of anxiety by providing a clear and structured overview of what to expect along with options for how to handle challenges.

Focus on felt safety.  Felt safety is a sense of emotional and psychological well-being, where a person perceives their environment as comfortable, secure, and free from potential harm or threats. It is a subjective feeling of safety that can vary from person to person.  There is a strong link between student stress, consistent attendance, and academic performance.  Students struggle to pay attention, complete assignments, and interact with peers and teachers in healthy ways when they feel unsafe or stressed.  In addition, when even one person in the room is feeling highly stressed, other people in the room will start to match their stress levels.

Lack of felt safety looks different for everyone but common signs are expressions of anger, impulsive movements, tense body, and appearing zoned out or blank-faced.  The most common reason behind emotional and physical dysregulation is not feeling safe in the environment, and it often has nothing to do with actual physical safety. Just because WE know/think a child is safe doesn’t mean they are experiencing the world that way.  Adding in things that signal safety to a child can go a long way toward preparing them for learning.  It’s important to help kids recognize the people who will keep them safe and the places they can go if they don’t feel safe. Understanding the sensory sensitivities that might impact them and what they can do to manage them helps signal safety to young brains and bodies.

Accept and Name Emotions

Understanding and naming our emotions is crucial for managing them effectively. When kids can identify and articulate their feelings, they’re better equipped to deal with them. It’s important to remember that ALL feelings are allowed.  Kids can’t learn to manage emotions they aren’t allowed to have.  Validate your child’s feelings by acknowledging them without judgment. Instead of dismissing worries with “Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,” try, “I can understand that you’re feeling nervous about the new school year. It’s okay to feel that way. I might feel that way too.” Help kids learn to name their emotions by using descriptive language. Phrases like “It sounds like you’re feeling anxious about meeting new friends” or “I can see you’re excited about your new teacher” can help children recognize and articulate their feelings. For younger children or those who find verbal expression challenging, drawing or journaling can be effective ways to explore and communicate emotions. Encourage them to keep a journal or draw pictures about their day or their feelings.  It’s even better if they can see you express yourself through writing or art!

The back-to-school transition is an opportunity to strengthen connections, manage anxiety, and understand emotions better. By focusing on these principles, you can create a supportive environment that fosters a smooth and positive start to the school year. Remember, each child’s experience is unique, and flexibility is key. Approaching this transition with empathy and preparation can help turn the beginning of the school year into a time of growth and excitement. Here’s to a fantastic school year ahead!

Helpful Resources

Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work by Robyn Gobbel

The Declarative Language Handbook by Linda K. Murphy

Beyond Behaviors by Mona Delahooke

Regulation & Coregulation: 15-minute Focus by Ginger Healy